The Letter “P”: Natural Martyrs

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While I enter my thirty third week now, I swear I can hear a faint but distinct tick, tock almost like a grandfather clock ready to toll at any minute, counting down the arrival of Baby Texi.

I’ve been told how babies are unpredictable and come when they are ready.

According to studies, only 5% of babies are actually born on their due date whereas the rest of the babies come earlier. I was born two weeks before my due date and my sister, almost four weeks.

I think to myself, “How early will Baby Texi come?” Tick, tock…

I’ll have to wait and see what my gynae says at my next appointment, where we’ll discuss the birth plan again.

For those out of the loop, a birth plan which should be aptly renamed a birth wish, is a plan on what you’d like to follow for your pregnancy. From having natural to who will be in the room, regardless of your birth plan nothing is ever set in stone. Anything can happen with labour and there’s no telling exactly how the birth will go.

With my birth plan, rather birth wish already set in my mind, I found that this trip into motherhood is far from welcoming as eyebrows were raised as I discussed what I’d like to do. Instead of encouragement, or a listening ear about birth, my opinions have been met with condescending snide remarks such as “you are too lazy to push”.

Some of these women are complete strangers to me while some aren’t. (My personal best, a woman who’s never been pregnant passing judgement).

Enter the Natural Martyrs, as I like to call them. *Cue the Hunger Games music*

A harsh term you might say to me, but appropriate for the attitudes they have towards other pregnant mothers. It is a personal journey that most women take therefore passing judgement about how a baby is birthed into this world is actually nobodies business.

My birth wish is to help the baby out as soon as possible, I don’t believe in putting a baby through hours if not days of labour and distress, only to be told by the doctor that there’s a problem and surgery is needed.

When my gynae asked me what birth I wanted, I responded “Well, I hear the stork option isn’t readily available here”. With this we laughed, and I proceeded to ask what is best option for the baby.

Whether it will happen the way I want it to, I don’t know but I’ll have to roll with the punches. Labour can happen anytime.

Will my decision in the end make me any less of a mother in the end?

No, it won’t because I would have chosen the best option for my baby.

When my child one day graduates, no one will be standing on the sidelines commenting on whether her intelligence is linked to how she was birthed into this world.

Try explaining that to the Natural Martyrs who talk about going all natural with zero forms of drugs because they want to “feel” what a true birthing experience is like.

I’m sorry but true birthing experience? I didn’t know that having a caesarean was actually an immaculate birth where angels deliver your baby to you on a cloud while you are tenderly treated like a queen without an ounce of fear or some form of discomfort…

Sorry ladies but this really shouldn’t be a time to be passing judgement. Natural Martyrs, you are not completely in control of your own births just as I have no control. Anything can happen and the doctor will not obey your birth plan and do what is best for the baby. I know of some Natural Martyrs who are dead against drugs but give in to an epidural in the end, and you know what? It’s no big deal! It doesn’t make you weak.

Some ladies go in and have an amazing natural birth experience with an easy labour and speedy recovery which I think is freaking amazing and admirable.  While not all babies co-operate with mommies’ plans unfortunately.

Medically speaking, not all mothers are able to have natural birth. It’s far more than the Old Wives Tale about the size of your feet relating to your capability of pushing naturally.

Lower back problems, back; hip and coccyx injuries all come into play when the doctor assesses you for birth. The last thing a mother needs is putting her baby at risk due to these problems, all so she can get a “noddy stamp” from the Natural Martyrs. 

I don’t understand the notion of some Natural Martyrs who exclaim they’re scared shitless about having a c-section because “they cut you open” but aren’t scared of natural birth?

(Maybe they’re unaware of the term episiotomy but stitches on a vajayjay… that sounds sore!).

I think bottom line is, birth is not a walk in the park either way and we should all be considerate to every mother’s birth choices. No one is a martyr for forgoing an epidural or is posh for not pushing. Birth is birth, either way a beautiful baby is born into the world.

Imagine if all mothers rallied with each other, instead of bashing each other behind their backs?

Imagine the support new mothers would get from one another and not feel so alone during the transition into motherhood. That a new mother wouldn’t be frightened to the core and feel like a failure?

Have a look at this video and see what I mean.

 

We all have the same goal in the end, to raise happy, healthy babies regardless of how it is done.

Like Ellen Degeneres loves to say everyday on her show, “Be kind to one another”.

So let’s start doing that and banish the bashing that comes with motherhood.

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About Nikita Camacho

Entertainment and lifestyle writer using the digital space as her playground and work space.

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